A drive-in movie;
The image of a bear without claws,
Action without danger,
A land without laws.
All the good,
But stripped of the bad,
A restaurant with no register
And delicious meals to be had.
The ground is firm and the weather's fair
Go check for lightning, but nothing's there.
A brand new novel;
It's end as good as the beginning.
On every page
The good guys are winning.
But there are no bad guys,
Nobody's being unfair,
And no one is injured,
When you're a clawless bear.
Reach out with arms that have never been twisted,
You could look out for evil, but it never existed.
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Brendon,
ReplyDeleteI enjoy reading this poem, and I truly like the work. Yet I feel like the poem finishes well with the lines "and no one is injured, when you're a clawless bear." The final two lines feel like they're a beginning of a new piece rather than the ending of the current piece...Please forgive me if I've offended you, but do understand that my inner critique had a need to be expressed.
Good work!
Fran
Haha, no worries. I put the stuff up for honest opinions, so I appreciate it. I moved the lines around a bit as I wrote it, and I was playing with a version where the "clawless" line was the last. You're right, though, reading it now, it would have been better the other way.
ReplyDeleteThanks!
Brendan,
ReplyDeleteI'm glad that you understand...I was worried because I wasn't sure if my honesty would be accepted...some people are touchy about things.
like your stuff man, am following.
ReplyDeletepretty cool, I like that last line with the clawless bear,
ReplyDeleteLove this poem! reminds me of so many books and movies Ive seen. Some of My favorites are so predictable, i wonder why I like them.
ReplyDelete